a new beginning...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Good, The Sad & The Ugly

It's funny how fast time goes by (I find myself saying that a lot since I've become a parent). I didn't realize it had been 10 days since my last post. 1st of all, thanks to all of your who offered condolences and support either in the comments section or in a private email. Your words of support and encouragement mean a lot. To a non-blogger or a non-FAT coalition member that might seem odd, but there is definitely a sense of community amongst us and the fact that the Holidays are upon us makes that feeling of camaraderie that much greater. Thank you all.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. This weekend I'll be flying to Florida for my Grandmother's memorial service. She has been cremated so the family will gather to say goodbye and share in our collective memories. I know it will bring me some closure, but I've always been sort of weirded out by funerals with cremations. Sort of strange not having the opportunity to say goodbye to a "body". Call me crazy. Whatever.

So...onto The Good, The Sad & The Ugly:

The Good: I had a great weekend with my wife, my daughters and my in laws. We spent the weekend in PA. I truly had much to be thankful for: a delicious Thanksgiving dinner, taking my daughter to see Kidz Bop (her 1st "rock-n-roll" concert), my in-laws watching the kids on Saturday & Sunday so I could spend a night away with my wife at a quaint little B&B and we could start our Christmas shopping, and most importantly traveling safely to and from home. Great to go away - even better to return home.

The Sad: Even though my Grandparents had lived in Florida for several years and they were not part of my day-to-day life any more, it was still sad knowing that they weren't here this Thanksgiving. I'm sure my memories of Thanksgiving as a child are not too far removed from many of yours. The sights, sounds and smells of the season. A busy kitchen. Kids and pets underfoot. Football in the park after dinner, back in time for the late game and pumpkin pie. I still can hear Grandpa's bellowing laugh and Maggie calling out his name when it was time to carve the bird. I miss them.

The Ugly: Lets' see...how many guesses do members of the coalition get to correctly identify the "ugly" part of my weekend. Food & drink, food & drink and more food & drink. Oh, did I mention food & drink. I won't give you mouthful by mouthful details but lets just say I overdid it. I knew exactly what I was doing and was aware of every single thing I put in my mouth. I think a lot had to do with my current state of emotions, but that should not be an excuse. Emotions will always crop up at various stages of our lives - you know, "shit happens". I am strong, but clearly there were too many signs of weakness on display recently. I did make a few veiled attempts at exercise but I messed up my back on my in-laws Health-Rider (what a friggin' death trap that thing is). What's done is done and cannot be undone. I already got angry with myself for "letting go" and I've already forgiven myself as well.

I'll be back at the gym bright and early tomorrow and begin my new circuit routine.

I think I may have posted this in another blog, but I feel it bears repeating. There is no such thing as failure. Only feedback and results.

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving everyone.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The long and winding road...

I've always been a huge Beatles fan, but today's post and lyrics have nothing to do with weight loss. While you could say that the "journey" we are all on is in fact a long and winding road, today's rantings are more simply about life - or in this case death.

My Grandmother passed away on Monday night. I was told she died peacefully and did not suffer. She was 85 years young, but Alzheimer's disease had sadly taken her from us long before then. What makes this even sadder is that my Grandfather, her husband of 62 years, died in August. So after going most of my adult life with them in it, I have lost them both within the span of 3 months. Now I know that death is part of life and I once read that "death is only sad for the living", but it still sucks and I miss them both dearly. Especially at this time of year.

While my "clean eating" has taken a hit these past few days, I have still been at the gym. I want to finish up this MH 5-week routine strong. 2 more workouts next week (M & W) and then I will find a new routine post Thanksgiving.

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way

Many times I've been alone
And many times Ive cried
Any way you'll never know
The many ways I've tried

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Oh no, another blog from that "song guy"

Happy almost Friday everyone. My weekend starts early since I took tomorrow off and my office is closed on Monday for Veterans Day. So I've got a 4-day weekend staring me in the face and we all know the sort of challenges that weekends pose - especially long ones. However I should be OK since:

a. I'm with my family and they are a big part of my reason for taking this "journey".
b. The Jets have a bye week so there is no tailgate party to go to.
c. I weighed myself last night and was 192 so I obviously gained back a bit of what I lost (in all fairness I weighed myself at night when I normally weigh in 1st thing in the morning on an empty stomach).
d. The coalition is in my head and I feel accountable to you all.

That having been said, the latest addition to my iPod is Kid Rock's Rock n' Roll Jesus. 1st pass was OK, but I pay more attention to the lyrics the 2nd time around. Don't worry, after reading my last post I realize that I included far too many lyrics to get my "You can't hurry fat loss" point across. So for the sake of brevity I only copied what I felt was relevant, not only to how I feel this relates to my journey, but perhaps others' as well.

This is my 10th post and the 3rd to cite song lyrics. So 33% of my posts contain song lyrics & depending on how you look at it either I am the most unoriginal blogger in F.A.T. (not) or the most qualified yet overlooked contestant for "Don't Forget the Lyrics" (I applied back in August but never got a call). But I digress...

Track 3 - Roll On (bold emphasizes 'deep' stuff)

And I know it's hard to see with the sun in your eyes
But one day you're gonna say I saw the light

And now headin' for the hill
And I just cannot wait until
My children grow up to have children of their own
And I'll be telling them about
The times I turned the party out
And how I stood against an army all alone
Drinkin' wine and stayin' high
And realized it couldn't last
And how I turned myself around
And went down another path

And the signs we must observe
When life's changes do occur

But most of all I'll tell them
Just how proud I am of them
And always have a good time
It's all love and good times
Let's all have a good time Yeah

Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time

Maybe it means something to you, maybe not. Read it again if you must & take from it what you will.

Just remember that we need to be reminded more than we need to be informed.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Ladies & Gentlemen, Diana Ross & the Supremes

OK, now that the title got your attention, here's a goofy thing I came up with the other day while on the StairMaster (20 minutes of intense interval at level 6). I was listening to WCBS FM (Oldies 101.1) - spare me the old jokes - when I heard "You can't hurry love" and it got me to thinking. I glanced over at my sweaty image in the mirror and thought, hmmmm - you can't hurry fat loss either. We don't get fat overnight, so why do we think we can get skinny overnight and then throw in the towel when we don't (or can't)?

So I Googled the lyrics and then did a find & replace. I replaced every instance of "love" with "fat loss" & here is what I came up with (sorry if it runs on long):

I need fat loss, fat loss
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
She said fat loss don't come easy
Its a game of give and take

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches
Must I stand before I find a fat loss
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hanging on
When I feel my strength, yeah
Its almost gone
I remember mama said:

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
She said fat loss don't come easy
Its a game of give and take

How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart
Heart to break?

No I cant bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a fat loss to call my own
But when I feel that i, I cant go on
These precious words keeps me hanging on
I remember mama said:

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
She said fat loss don't come easy
Its a game of give and take

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

No, fat loss, fat loss, don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy
It ain't easy
But mama said:

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

You cant hurry fat loss
No, you just have to wait
She said fat loss don't come easy
Its a game of give and take

No I have not gone off the deep end. On the contrary I have made a new association to an old Motown classic that I will never listen to the same way again. I'll think of FAT, the coalition and the beginning of my journey every time I hear Diana (or Phil Collins) sing this song.

And for those of you who have read this in it's entirety, you are now rewarded with my latest picture (11/1 at 5:30 am). Holy sh*t. This plan actually works. I discarded 2 inches from my waist and I will soon be out of the 40" waist club. Hot damn! There was no change in the scale weight, but it's not like I care since the proof is in the pictures.