a new beginning...

Monday, March 1, 2010

And so it begins...again

Doesn't it suck to write this statement? It's as if admitting failure. Look, I tried before. I messed up. I didn't reach my goals - heck I didn't even write and review my goals. So here I am back up in weight. Unhappy with my lack of progress. Even more unhappy with my lack of activity.

Now maybe I should get a pass because of what I've been through.

I got sick last fall - REALLY SICK - like I almost died. I developed a staph infection post vasectomy (yup - no more kids for me) and not just any staph infection but MRSA. It's like super-staph. I wound up in the hospital for 10 days. Over the course of 30 days I endured 5 surgeries. I was miserable. Scratch that - I was FUCKING miserable. I had a pump attached to my groin to draw out the infection. I couldn't write about it then - luckily I'm alive to write about it now.

I thought I turned a corner in January. New Years Resolutions - blah blah blah. I got back to the gym but never quite got the nutrition under control. Nor the alcohol consumption.

This has been a brutal winter in the North East. One day while shoveling snow I re-aggravated a tear in my rotator cuff. That's a pretty painful injury - not nearly as painful as what I endured back in the Fall (that pain was on par with childbirth - I kid you not) - that has set me back.

The worst part has been the death of my Grandfather. Pop died on Valentines Day. I got a call from the nursing home and they said he went peacefully. At 98 that's what we hope for, however it doesn’t change that fact that I miss him terribly and his passing has created a void in my life that may never be filled. To me he was more like a father than a Grandfather. I have been blessed to have 3 out of 4 Grandparents with me well into my adult life. If you're reading this I can only hope the same for you all. They offer insight, caring, kindness and compassion unlike the dynamics of any other relationship. At least it felt that way for me.

So where am I at?

1. I have 3 beautiful children. 2 of them love to play outdoors. Matthew, at 7 months, isn't far behind. I struggled through the pain of my shoulder to take them sledding for the past 3 days (we got 18+ inches of snow last week). I just got off the phone with my Orthopedist and I'm getting a copy of the RX for P/T. I'll have to go on my lunch hour since it's just not convenient to go at night. As a NY/NJ commuter I'm already gone 10+ hours a day. When is anything ever convenient?

2. My wife and I pledged to "Get it together...together". We got rid of all the shitty food in the house. I went back to the gym this morning and I hit the grocery store afterwards, stocking up on fresh fruit and produce. All the stuff that we should be eating but just haven't been.

3. I deal with losing Pop on a daily basis. They say death is only sad for the living. Truer words were never spoken. It's not all about sadness - many of the memories are of incredibly happy times. Time will heal the pain I guess. That's up for time to decide.

New day, new month, new opportunity.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain


Carrie said...

Wow, it definitely has been tough for you. You do need to take it one day at a time, and keep up the joyous thoughts (don't let the sadness get you down too long). Keep us updated on how things are going!

Ripx180 said...

Glad to see your getting back in the game. Dang, sounds like some ruff months for you... Scared the S out of me reading it (I am scheduled for the big V later this month). Any way to avoid the horror you went though using hind sight? Ditch the soda its worthless filler. Keep the blogs rolling it does help... I need to take my own advice as I haven't written in over a month.

A Former Obese Guy said...


It's been awhile let us know how it's going. I am doing a mini-blog for the next 8 weeks, hope you can show me some support.